Art Post VII: "Doll Parts"

"Doll Parts"
Winter 2009
Ink, Oil Pastels, String



I was having an existential crisis, and realized at the core of all my problems was myself. Thus came the idea of a puppet blind to pulling their own strings.

Daily Thoughts Post 7/13

Eh, it's been a days of existential crisis, so have just been focusing on art. Which concerns me because I don't want to burn out, but at the same time, I do want to take advantage of the motivation while I have it.


This is part of something I"m currently working on, channeling feels so maybe I can work through them and move on. I need more art supplies to finish it, though. As well as everything else I have in progress.

I'm comin' back for more
Out of a black and white world
Past a shooting star
The beauty of speed...

Vlog Post 7/12/16

In which I discuss sketch books, share some progress art, and talk about GLITTER.

Art Post V: "The Royal We"

"The Royal We"
Winter 2009
Oil Pastels, Watercolours
It was a weird time in my life, which is why there is a chunk of art from then. I was desperately trying to become a better person, some one I wasn't horrified to look at in the mirror. I knew somehow, being clean from drugs and alcohol was part of it. I just couldn't figure out how or if I was even worth saving from the bottom of the rabbit hole.
It's a battle I still struggle with, all these years later. 


When I was finishing this, my boyfriend at the time insulted it. I realize now it was a projection of his own insecurities about his own art, but it led to me to putting away art until well after we broke up. Though, I am proud to say, ironically, this ended up being the first piece of art I ever sold.

Art Post IV: "Spark"

"Spark"
March 2009
watercolour marker, acrylic paint
This is a heavy subject matter, but I feel like that's how it goes for my work. This was an experiment to convey the emotion with limited colours.
Back in 2007,  I was involved with some one and I was pretty reckless. I was in a bad place, it was during 3 year period of my worst drinking. I didn't care much about living so much as to feel something, anything by any means necessary.
Well, when you're not careful, things happen. I had a choice to make, but before I could, before I could even tell the person I was involved with... a choice was made for me.
That really affected me, and the feelings would hit me every year around the same time when I would smell the flowers that would remind me of the person I was involved with. So what was I do to do? 
To process the feelings, to finally move on, I did it the only way I knew how- to create something beautiful and tragic. And now here it is, for you.

Daily Sketch Post 7/05

Well, it's been a bit since I did one of these. Meant to do one yesterday, but got distracted working on a few pieces.
This was because I had been discussing doing something to share with people how I have been eating mostly gf and vegan on a budget for over two years now. 

Anyway, I'm starting to really fall in love with my art, wanting to run home to it like a lover.

This one was a forgotten sketch from Winter 2009... I saw it yesterday and meant to just ink it, but felt compelled to get it to this point. It's almost finished now. 

This one was from November 2015, and I kept meaning to get back to it, but life has been rough. But yay now I'm working on it!

I'm eager to finish these pieces and share their stories with you! 

Art Post III: "Heavy in Your Arms"

"Heavy In Your Arms"
Winter 2009
Watercolour

It's an interesting challenge to only use red and still convey the emotions. I want to do a show where the theme is paintings in red, white, and black someday soon.

People often expect me to fit in these roles they create in their head for me to play, and when they get bored or I fail to meet expectations, I am often discarded like a doll that is no longer a child's favourite. So I smile and say it's fine.

But it's not fine. I'm so much more than some child's play thing. I long for that feeling of unconditional love- not the love of a child, but the love of a parent. But for now, I'm just too much, too heavy a burden.

"I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across the ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown..." 

Art Post II: "Four to the Floor"

Title: "Four to the Floor"
Spring 2009
Medium: water colour, oil pastel, glitter varnish

At the time, I was into the song "Four to the Floor" by Starsailor which for some reason made me recall the dances in Swan Lake. I was also into using photos of ballerinas for references as they more conveyed the feelings I wanted in my drawings.
 
Initially, I abandoned this piece because I wasn't liking how it came out. Then a girl I was in love with was having a rough time, and I kept asking myself what more could I give her? What more? Then I saw this and was inspired to revisit it. I'm really pleased with how it came out, but disappointed that it meant nothing to her when I gave it to her.

What are your thoughts?

Art Post I: "Lady In Waiting"

Title: "Lady In Waiting"
Spring 2009
Medium: water colour

I literally have no memory of creating this piece, but I do recall the vision haunting me. I must have felt like I needed to be hiding in the shadows, as much as I wanted to be in the light.
It's actually two separate pieces that I cut and pasted together to make painting the background easier. I'm pretty excited by the results. People seemed to like the progress on this one.

What are your thoughts?