Huzzah!

I'm thinking of making this more of a fashion blog, once I get my camera up.

I'm currently working on a lolita-style JSK with a christmasy pattern. It's kinda cool.

Recent thrift finds have been a pair of Doc Marten's, a pair of earrings, a ring and two red sweaters. I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a nice red cardigan, so two is even better! Also, Doc Martens, what? I've spent almost every pay day of the last two years going to Hootananny's and staring at their collection, but never going for it.

More to come?

I feel like I'm always running on to the next thing that I never take the time to enjoy where I'm at.

I'm scared, really scared that if I stop to enjoy what I have right now, it'll go away. I find myself finding every excuse to disappear back into the nothing just so I don't have to get to that moment when it all falls apart.

And yet, I'm holding on knowing if I let myself slip just once, there is no coming back from the rabbit hole. Game over, with no continues.

I want to trust him, really, I do. I want to let him know how I feel instead of all this awkwardness, but every time I try something clogs my throat and I croak out, "I have to go now," and just like that, I'm gone away from him again.

I worry, too, that if I let him in, he'll think he can protect me from the darkness just like others before him. But no one, no one but myself and God can do that. And I don't want to be around to see the disappointment when he realizes that.

But maybe he does. Maybe he really is different from the others.

I'm scared. And all I want to do is keep running.